Thursday, March 7, 2013

i'm back

Since Nixon was born it felt like my life has been turned upside down.  He was born in September and shortly after that the holidays came, Kash's birthday and party, I received an additional calling at church and then February was just a crappy month for us.

So here we are in March and I'm back! The last six months have been hard on me.  I struggled to find my groove as a mom of two.  I know that sounds silly, but it was a lot harder for me than I thought and not in the way I thought it would be.  The hardest part has been to find my patience as a mother.  I always wanted my home to a peaceful place, a haven from the world.  But it wasn't. The last six months I found myself yelling at Kash and losing my temper more than I'd like to admit.  After each tantrum of his followed by my own I would feel so guilty for yelling at him like I did.  But lack of sleep, the demands of church and work, taking care of Nixon...it all took it's toll on me and yelling was the only way I was willing to cope with it all.  I knew I was a better mom than that.  I knew Kash deserved better.  

I know yelling doesn't seem like a big deal but it was.  I was never a "yeller" before and actually took pride in not yelling at Kash.  But now I was and I needed to stop. I prayed for strength to be a better mom. I prayed for patience and guidance.  I prayed that Blaine would be able to comfort me and he did.  Together we've worked so hard to make our home a peaceful place. I'm not perfect but I can say the last few week as I've tried to yell less I've noticed a calmness in our house, and shocker, Kash has behaved so much better.  I actually lost my temper a week ago and Kash suggested we say a prayer so we wouldn't be mad at each other anymore.  Well if that doesn't make me want to stop yelling (and bawl my eyes out) I don't know what would! 

I know the way I talk to Kash affects him greatly.  Now anytime I start to get frustrated I think of this quote from David O. McKay, "There should be no yelling in the home unless there is a fire."  So true.  I plan on hanging this in my home as a constant reminder. 

(you can download this 8 x 11.5 print here)
I've gotten back to being a more confident and happy mom, I'm feeling more organize in my work and calling, and I've prioritized the things that are important.  One of them being this blog.  I've said it many times but this blog is a way to document my kids' lives and seems to be the only method that I actually stick to. I'm grateful for that because I often look back on my posts and have already forgotten many of the details that I had documented.  I'm hoping I can stay on a roll and get back into blogging.  And in true Erica style if I'm going to do something it has to be pretty so I gave the little ol' blog yet another face lift.  


1 comment:

Aaryn said...

I can totally relate! I feel like I get so frustrated with my kids, and it just kills me. I want to work on my patience and acceptance of dirty dishes, toys everywhere, dirty laundry, and endless to do list, etc-b/c I know that would greatly help me cope.

It's total survival mode with little kids-it's not easy, but you'll do great!

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